Greedy
I have not run in 4 months. (At least not longer than a few miles at a time). My hamstring throbs and I long to be in the woods, on the trails, over the rocks and in the creeks. Yes, I miss the thrill and chase of racing, but more than anything, the freedom of “flying” in the mountains.
Greedy. That is the best word I can use to describe myself last fall after the Mountain Masochist. I’d had a fun and successful year racing and 10/16/05 was supposed to have marked the start of a 2 month “rest”. Greedy. But, rest, I did not. There were too many cool local 5k’s and trail runs that I didn’t want to miss out on. “What could it hurt?” I wondered? “These are just little 3 milers, 6 milers and 18milers….that will be like rest!,” I thought….NOT!
Anyway, somewhere in the midst of “rest” I separated (tore away) part of my hamstring tendon from the pelvic bone. I’ve had MRI’s and visited different traditional doc’s and “witch doctors”…try to prove otherwise…but the diagnosis came three days ago from MRI #4 … what I am doing now is the dreaded among all ultra runners. Not running. All all. And trying to heal so I can “fly” again!
The moral of my story…I am still finding it. I always thought that something like this wouldn’t happen to me. Yet, I remember, I am human. And although not running makes me cry daily, I am hazily reminded that I am more than a runner. I realize running has been what has defined me for the last few years…and without it, I am…still me! I pray for healing and that I may contour the mountains and vault across the creeks and hope that when I heal that will not be so greedy!
(If anyone reading this has any ideas for how this is treated…the good and the bad, please let me know!)
Thank you, Annette